It's 5:49 am, and did I wake up grateful to not be married. I think I woke up early to get out of the marriage (dream).
I had said yes (despite others disapproval) to marry a man
we spent about a month in engagement, as we slowly both realized that we should not be getting married.
I somehow completely skipped on the planning part and so my mom planned the wedding.
The dream raced to the moment where I was at the church for my wedding, and I was freaking out (not understanding how I got to that point). Then I was up in some strange and very creepily tall and old hotel getting ready. I hadn't even known what my wedding dress was going to look like, nor thought about bringing make-up or making plans for my hair.
I didn't have much time to get ready, so I was throwing my hair up into a mess, and then this humming bird flew in my window and was flying around freaking out from being trapped inside and hitting the walls. I grabbed the humming bird in my hands and raced him outside, although the bird didn't know I was trying to release him so the tiny bird kept jumping from my hands in flight.
By the time I got outside, and released the bird, it was time to go to the church. I found my mom and told her we needed to talk. It was moments before the ceremony as I ran outside and fell on my back in a pile of dirt, crying up to the sky, while at the same time telling her how "I've lost all hope". Then proceeded to tell her that I had no idea how this wedding was happening, but that I couldn't go through with it. My mom gave me her usual reality checking "KAtieee" (a "get it together" tone). And told me that I had made this decision and had to go through with it now, that I should have thought about this before.
I walked slowly into the church, head hung, and looked around with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Suddenly the dream had a narrator who was describing how I suddenly started dancing at the alter, and there I was watching myself dancing.
When the dude I was marrying got to the alter (yea he walked there after I was already there) we had some time to kill before the pastor walked up. I pulled him close (almost shaking the dude to wake up) asking him what we were doing here, and checking if he didn't want to get married as much as I didn't. I was expecting him to agree, but he was calm and seemed to think it would be okay (a "were already here" attitude).
My mind raced thinking about if divorce was something I would be able to do, and how long I'd have to wait into the marriage before it was appropriate.
Next thing I knew we were hugging and laughing about God knows what. I thought for maybe a moment that I could make this work.
I think I zoned on the ceremony, but immediately after the whole church of people started rushing as a herd towards the reception room in the building. The crowd sorta pushed me along, as I was trying to escape and fight my way out.
This is when I realized that I had made no contribution to what the reception would be, and one of the worst parts that none of my friends were there...These two strange women, in sparkly tops, showed up by my side pretty excited about this event, apparently they were my brides maids...I had forgotten to ask any of my friends to be in my bridal party!
I ran out of there and ran all the way to the hotel. I ripped off my dress, threw it aside, and put on jeans and a t-shirt, and then I began washing my face with fruit. By the time I was done calming myself down I realized I had been gone for 3 hours, and that the reception (speeches, first dance, any other traditional thing going on) was finished. I started to feel really horrible about how I was acting, and decided I would have to learn to live with and love this man. I slowly wandered back to the church.
around this time I woke up and my hope was restored that I was Not married.
I'm not saying I don't want to get married one day, but it made me see that I am where I am supposed to be, for now.
