at times memories rush through me, floodgates hold them in and they store up
or else there are periods where there is nothing that I can remember, not even what I say moment to moment, it goes out, open windows let them in as quickly as they go back out
maybe my mind is slowly going away, but if it is then it's been going for a long time. mostly I think this is just how I am now
i process a lot, so some days my mind just takes a break with or without me, mostly without me. concerning or voiding the people around me, mostly the void
my thoughts are often in other places, i often don't recall how I get from place to place, especially while driving to work. drifting
as far back as I can remember into my childhood I've had a dream world that I spent time in. existed within
I've learned to function, but i can sense the disconnect, and i know the people i am close to are somewhat aware of it, even if they don't tell me they are
I have talked about the same things for years
.
life is good, but that is usually what disturbs me
work along with my masters program are stressful at times, but there is part of that which is comfortable for me.
i seek what I DON'T know
3 months till summer break...sabbath! I refuse to do anything I should be expected to do as a 25 year old woman
I want to journey
I want to be outside
to see a few new things
to have days that go against my natural tendencies, maybe spend a day a week where i stay in one spot all day, a blanket in the sun or the shade of a tree, maybe a friend along side of me
as much as I would like to leave the country this summer, it will be pending my finances
I could see exploring the country I am in a bit, grand canyon is on my mind a lot
to stand before an ocean...most likely west coast
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these are not new feelings to me, but they are strange to feel again
i am curious, but not really wondering beyond the moments we have
i do have worries that are separate and distant
